Running in the Grocery Store
I’ve got a confession: sometimes I see someone I know in the grocery store and I purposefully head down another aisle. Not because I don’t like that person, but because I simply don’t feel like making that nice smalltalk that is required of grocery store interactions.
At a networking event, I would never do that. In my work persona, I would greet them warmly and ask how things are going.
I thought about this after reading a blog entry over at the Social Citizens blog, which asks “Are you a two faced social networker.” It made me realize I’m uncomfortable blending the personal with the professional on social networking sites, for sure. Take Facebook – it wasn’t around when I was in college, but I joined shortly after I graduated and so there are some pictures from college on there. I use it as a way to connect with my friends, not as a way to share SCOPE stories, but of course there has been some overlap. Because I recently got friended by some colleagues, I sanitized my profile & untagged myself from pictures. I also begrudged doing this. I’m on Twitter, but I purposely don’t use my real name so that I can keep in touch with my friends and not be identified as a SCOPEr if I send a tweet that someone thinks is questionable.
But it’s not like social networking sites exist in a vacuum – this extends to my real life (grocery store) behavior as well. Looking at this list of “Ways to Build Community” I realize that I don’t do these things. I mean, I know my neighborhood and wave to my neighbors and talk to them and even share a mower with one of them, but I cannot imagine ever doing #9 (Surprise a new neighbor by making a favorite dinner–and include the recipe). Or #121 (Buy a big hot tub). Or #140 (Hang out at the town dump and chat with your neighbors as you sort your trash at the Recycling Center - Seriously? I’m never hanging out at the dump).
It’s not as though I’m a curmudgeon who hates everyone on the weekends or anything. Thinking about it, it comes down to me not always being willing to do what I ask others to do. I sometimes choose not to build community. I think that’s ok and sane and normal. But, is making that choice limiting my growth or the potential for my community’s growth? Is it a reasonable reaction to there only being 24 hours in a day and so much time I can allot to community building activities? Is it just that some people have higher thresholds for interactions with people and community members? What do you think?
Recognizing that I sometimes make the choice not to build community makes the enormity of SCOPE’s mission seem more real to me. It also reveals how SCOPE’s mission intertwines with each citizen’s choices.
How about you? Do you selectively friend people when social networking? Do you ever do the grocery store aisle dash?
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Comments
YOU’VE made me think about those Grocery Store moments in my daily life. I love my Community and Neighors, but there are certin people at times I sometime avoid. Now You got me questioning myself as to WHY? IS it selfishness, protection of my private moment, judging, tiredness, or a slackness to my commitment and purpose? THANK YOU sooo
v-e-r-y much!:)
There is time for everything, and that includes “not doing”. In that “being” time, we can BE more with ourselves. It may seem difficult to not be gregarious, or to not create instant extroversion. Could we wear a sign like “Not Open for Business”?
Ram Dass said we aren’t meant to be friends to everybody and it’s OK to choose not to hang out with such a non-friend. Powerful but simple, right?
Doug
I think that you sometimes *have* to do the grocery store dash to stay sane! As someone who’s been pegged as a straight split between introverted and extroverted, my take on this is that genuine interactions are the best way to go. Sometimes, that means that I’m going to turn down the canned-foods aisle because I’m not feeling gregarious, and I’m ok with that. If the alternative is to fake having a smile, I think I do far more damage by being fake. Summoning a bit of extra energy or time to maintain friendships is one thing; gritting my teeth because I’m Just Not Sociable is another.
Now, navigating things so that my introversion doesn’t cause someone else to feel rejected - that’s a trickier question, and one I keep chopping away at.